Bernie’s Birth Story

To add a little context to some of the emotions and themes running through this birth story, a brief history of my previous birth experience. I had my daughter in 2019 vaginally and sustained a 3B tear that was repaired in theatre with a spinal block. I spent a huge amount of time really considering my birthing choices throughout this pregnancy. I opted for another vaginal birth with the knowledge that I could change my mind at any point. I love reading other peoples birth stories, there’s something special reading about how a new life has come earth side. I hope you enjoy reading my story…

Things started on the morning of the 16th November with my bloody show. I’d had tightenings for the last week or so on and off, always at night and sometimes for hours at a time making sleeping difficult and often making me anxious. This was an unfortunate thread that ran through this pregnancy after experiencing a miscarriage in December 2022. That Thursday morning I was booked in for an examination with my midwife Rhian who was our fantastic midwife in my first pregnancy. She actually delivered Theodora and we’ve remained friends ever since. I continued to lose more of my show through the day and had a few tightens.

When I got to the appointment Rhian and lovely Caley her student found my cervix was fabourable (I always find the language we use around womens health and birth totally mental, “favourable” like odds on a horse or the weather tomorrow!) Still with some thickness to it but she could touch babies head! So I agreed to a sweep I was 40+1 and aware this baby was doing it’s thing and growing nicely but I was mindful of wanting a viagnal birth and reducing the odds of a tear, in my mind I was ready. Little did I know this was a turbo sweep. As in it REALLY did its job! Caley then asked if she could examine me so she could have a feel of the effects of the sweep and what my cervix was doing. Although I didn’t feel on top of the world I agreed. Encouraging students and facilitating learning is something I’m super passionate about (clearly!) I was a student in a hospital once and I know how important placements are. Rhian and Caley said goodbye to me with a smile and said she wouldn’t be surprised if I had the baby this evening. I had planned to pick up a few bits in Sainsbury’s which is just over the way from the hospital. I knew as soon as I walked to the car this was going to be a fun trip. I found myself at one point hanging onto the side of the fridges breathing through a contraction. I messaged my husband and said I was really uncomfortable and that I was glad he was working from home that day. I decided to abandon the shopping and head back to the car with more contractions coming every few minutes.

When I got home things continued to ramp up. I lost more of my show and had some light spotting. I really was quite uncomfortable and contractions were coming about one in every 7 minutes. They increased to about one in every five minutes just after we put our daughter to bed after taking out last selfie as a family of three.

My mum was thankfully on her way up to us from Mid Devon to take care of Dora as I was starting to think going into labour that evening was becoming a real possibly. When she arrived I was sort of hanging off the bottom of the stairs taking some deep breaths. Things continued to be sporadic throughout the evening and I got very little sleep, I had to be fully sat up so Jonjo kindly built me a pillow fort. The contractions although uncomfortable never really got going and stayed ar about 5-7 minutes and by the mid morning they had slowed significantly. I was actually relieved as I needed some rest. My mum took our daughter Dora to school with my husband so she could become familiar with the drill and meet Dora’s teacher. She was amazing throughout the whole thing and made the decision with her husband and Jonjo that she would take Dora back to their house for the weekend to have a mini break and to give Jonjo and I some time to rest (and hopefully have a baby.) We had a relaxed day at home and Jonjo headed out to buy pasties for lunch, little did I know this was the only thing that would sustain me through labour.

The contractions by the evening were now what I’d describe as, no more than some uncomfortable tightenings. My mum took Dora to her swimming lesson and they were both heading to her house from there. I was so tired by this point (around 6pm on the 17th November) that I headed upstairs and got ready for bed, still feeling uncomfortable but able to breathe through things. I was laying in bed at around 7pm listening to Jonjo watch something on TV downstairs when I started to use the relaxation techniques we’d been practicing. At night Jonjo would read the relaxation scripts from the positive birth company and I would use breathing techniques as I knew how helpful I found these in labour with Dora. Lovely long slow exhales helped me feel in control. At 1930 I took a deep inhale and POP (I actually felt the pop) my waters went. I’d like to say I was all calm and collected at this point but I actually had a mini internal panic. I shouted down to Jonjo who ran upstairs to help me get off the bed (I also didn’t want to get amniotic fluid everywhere.) sure enough it was everywhere, I could’t believe how much of it there was. Jon held my hand and calmed me down reassuring me that I’d done this before and this was the beginning of us meeting our baby.

Once I was feeling a little calmer I then had the mad idea of wanting to wash and condition my hair. So I insisted on what my husband would call a Hollywood shower. That is, very hot and very long shower. My contractions were light to start with but I cold feel these intensifying in the shower. HOWEVER the shower was kindly giving me a false sense of security. As long as I was in there the discomfort was minimal. Jon had called triage who were asking us to come in to check if it’s actually the waters that had gone. I was reluctant to do this and didn’t see the point in going unless I was in established labour. I knew the exact time my waters went and the whole 24hour thing. I just wanted to stay at home for as long as possible. Jon had a shower too and that was when things were becoming uncomfortable with contractions lasting around 45 seconds and about 3 minutes apart. I was faffing putting the last things in my hospital bag, I really was having to hold on to something and breath through he connections. It was this point where Jon started to get a little worried about getting to hospital in a timely fashion. I just wanted to put the leave in conditioner in my hair and find a specific pair of socks. I was trying to take my mind off things when I asked Jon to put the TENS machine pads on my back. I found this super helpful with Dora.

It was time to get in the car just after 2010 and I was in the level of discomfort where I actually asked Jon to bring the car to the front of the house so I didn’t have to walk too far. I could feel a lot of pressure in my bottom and the baby felt really low. I was also starting to get a big wave of nausea with the stronger contractions. This is something I find really hard, I can manage pain but pain and sickness is my least favourite combo. I knew as soon as I got into hospital I’d be asking for an antiemetic to stop the sickness. So Jon helped me into the car and we headed to the RD&E. When I did open my eyes I could see the roads were quiet and it was one of those lovely autumnal rainy blowy evenings. I may have added an element of romance to it as there was actually a weather warning out for rain.

When we got to the the Centre for Womens Health the car park was empty (massive win because if you’re local to Exeter you know how manic it can be.) We parked the car and Jon helped me inside. I was having to lean on him heavily now, I was really in some discomfort and every step the baby was getting lower and lower, I was seriously unformfotbale moving and I had to get up the stairs to maternity. There is a lift but I’m always scared I’ll get stuck in the lift and have my baby in there. So I did the same as I did with Dora and started the slow ascent of the stairs to maternity triage. A very kind man was waiting for me at the top, with Jon supporting me and carrying bags there wasn’t a whole lot of room. It felt like he was there forever poor guy! We made it to the top of the stairs and into the reception for Maternity triage where I was now leaning over the front desk getting booked in. Every contraction now was making me feel extremely sick. Between the surges I felt fine but they were closer together and intense. I just had visions of me projectile vomiting all over the nice person on reception and covering them.

We were quickly lead through to the Midwifery Lead Unit actually to the same room where I birthed Dora. The midwife was great I can’t remember her name but I think she had red hair and I love her because she got me the anti sickness jab. I was sat on a birthing ball and could move my hips side to side when a contraction came. The contractions were lasting longer and taking all of my concentration to remain calm and focused. Was still able to breath through them but was now requesting some pain relief options. The boost button on the TENS machine was well used now. Unfortunately the lovely midwife informed me I couldn’t stay on the MLU due to he PPH I had with Dora, I thought this might be a bit of a battle so I asked if I could go into room 10 which has a pool and is basically next to labour ward. Unfortunately when it rains, room 10 has a leaky roof so we couldn’t use the room. I agreed reluctantly to go over to Labour Ward, making my wishes to be midwife lead clear.

As soon as I was taken over to the LW I asked to try the gas and air which instantly made me feel sick and gag so that was out of the question. I requested dire morphine which I knew from previous experience was a one stop shop giving me enough rest in between contractions and enough of the edge off the contractions. About 15 minutes after this was injected I started to feel better able to rest. The time was now around 2210, I remember looking out of the window into a snowscape that was painted on a wall outside. Well I think it was, I could have just been hallucinating! All the lights were turned off or dimmed and there were fairy lights hung around the window. I was sitting on a birthing ball resting my elbows and upper body on the bed. I felt in control and able to bring myself back down in between the contractions. This was when I first really noticed out lovely student midwife Becca and her supervisor Kate. The rest lasted for about an hour. I had been determined to stay well hydrated through this labour and to not be vomiting as I did with Theodora. Becoming dehydrated made the contractions so much more painful and less progressive. I had tried several times to use the bathroom and empty my bladder but I knew baby’s head was too low and I could’t voluntarily empty by bladder. With this in mind I requested an in-out catheter. The midwives did this with me on my back which was a very uncomfortable position but anatomically really needs to happen to access the urethra. They managed to drain around 150ml. They thought there was more there but being on my back and having contractions was extremely uncomfortable. Jon and the midwives helped me off the bed and I got back on my birth ball.

I was aware I had increased monitoring of the baby due to being on LW I think this is just standard protocol. During a listen in session with the student midwife Becca I could hear the baby’s heartbeat drop an ectopic beat and then pick back up again. This happened several times and it was discussed with the midwives and then us that it would be helpful to go onto a CTG monitor (the thing that gets strapped around your bump.) This was put on and relatively comfortable but it kept slipping off my bump, then it was picking up my heartbeat rather than the baby’s. I was starting to feel uncomfortable again as the morphine was wearing off and some of the discussions around the monitor and baby’s heartbeat were worrying me and bringing me out of the concentration bubble. The obstetrician came in and discussed the issue with monitoring baby’s heartbeat. I was now worried and totally out of my bubble. That anxiousness was now being given fuel and starting to run riot.

It was now around 0030 that the conversation turned to the obstetrician wanting to put a clip on the baby’s head to check on their hearbeat. I got a panicked vibe from her and this really pulled me further away from the calm cave I was trying to put myself in. I remember looking at Jon and just wanting this all to stop. I wanted my baby to be in my arms and safe. We’d been through so much to get here. This was when I did something not in the plan and requested a c-section. I was scared and wanted my baby to arrive safely. I know the tension and worry I was feeling would potentially inhibit my ability to push with confidence. I needed that as I did have a level of underlying worry to do with the previous tear. I agreed to have the clip fitted, this wasn’t something I was mad keen on but I was genuinely concerned for the baby’s well-being. Having the clip fitted involved me being on my back which I despised. I now had no real pain relief in my system and contractions were the most intense and some of them lasting upwards of almost 2 minutes. Jon helped me onto the bed and on my back. I was struggling to come back down after each contraction and was now in real pain. Whilst they fitted the clip the obstetrician kindly said I was 5cm dilated. I did not want to hear this and could not believe I was in this level of discomfort with contractions coming thick and fast lasting as long at they were to only be 5cm. I was well and truly out of the calm cave and scared for the baby’s health. I again asked for a c-section and the obstetrician went to find the anaesthetist. I’d had enough, I was worried and losing faith in my ability to birth my baby (none of this is me and I was struggling big time with the air of panic in the room.) I remember seeing Jon look worried, I was making a decision based on fear and panic. The obstetrician came back into the room with consent forms on a tablet and began talking to me. There were more people coming into the room and nobody was actually telling me what was happening to my baby’s heartbeat. This was when Jon my husband and general keeper of the calm cave came into his own. He was handed a pile of scrubs which I noticed he ditched on a table. He stepped between me and the obstetrician and said “this isn’t what you want Vic, just focus on me.” I looked at him and said how worried I was about the baby and my ability to birth him or her and not have another substantial tear. He told me to listen, that’s the thing with the clip the heartbeat was really loud and I could hear it perfectly, rhythmical and strong. Jon looked at the obstetrician and asked if there was anything wrong with he baby’s heartbeat to which she said no. As the anaesthetist was trying to talk to me and the midwife was trying to put stockings on me I stopped listening. I did just listen to Jon and I could feel things changing. I must have looked so rude, I wasn’t listening to anybody. I started listening to my body and my body was saying it needed to push. This was when I turned to Jon and the Midwife and said “I need to push.” I could feel the anaesthetist and obstetrician look at each other. I think at first I was asking if I needed to push, almost asking for permission. I quickly changed this to a telling “I need to push.” I remember Becca looking at me nodding and telling me to just go with it.

I came over SUPER hot, like my skin felt hotter than the sun, everything came off not that I had a lot of clothing on but the little I was wearing was swiftly taken off. I wanted to be kneeling towards the top of the bed holding onto he rails with Jon stood at the head of the bed talking to me. It was roughly just gone 1am and I had the first huge undeniable urge to push and to make noise, like a low moaning noise. I could feel the baby moving lower and things stretching. I was now sweating profusely, I remember my friend Jess telling me about the sweating but wow, I was not prepared to be that hot! Becca and Kate were behind me on the bed and I could feel one of them doing the hands on approach for perineal protection. There was a lot of pressure and stretching happening with each push, I was really focusing on my breath telling my pelvic floor to let go and relax, with each inward breath to encourage the baby to move down. The pushing was so different to my first exeperience, I was pushing but pushing with my body and with the contractions. After about 4/5 pushes I could feel baby’s head was crowing. That fun super stingy pain that I recognised, I breathed through it and slowed any active pushing. Baby’s head was out at 0117 and the contractions slowed for a second. I said I wanted to push and move baby only when I had a contraction, there were two more pushes with the next round of contractions and baby Caulfield was born at 0119. I was still holding onto the head of the bed as the midwives were giving baby C a pretty vigorous rub due to being a bit shocked with speed of delivery. They encouraged me to turn around on the bed, Jon was stood next to me at the side of the bed. As I turned around I saw Jon look at me and tell me we had a boy! I was in total disbelief. I did it! We have a boy! He’s here safe and well! I can not tell you the relief.

He was placed on my chest and we had delayed cord clamping. The room was busy with about 5 people, the obstetrician was back and helping with the delivery of the placenta as I had another slight bleed. The cord was cut at the last minute, giving us as long as possible before the placenta needing to be delivered. I opted to have the injection for the third stage to help things along due to the bleed. The placenta was birthed about 2 minutes later. The midwives very kindly showed us the placenta and the cord, it always amazes me that I basically grew that! Baby boy was now looking a lot more pink and loving spending time on my chest just resting. The midwives were now checking my perineum (I was very nervous about this, being the proud owner of a previous 3b tear.) This was when the gas and air came in really handy, it made me feel sick in labour but I remember from being previously examined after having Dora I felt fine on it after labour. The check was particularly uncomfortable so I made the most if it. The midwives were so kind and after being checked several times (I asked them to check and then check again,) they were super happy to tell me I just had a small grade 2 tear! I remember Becca saying “I’m so happy, I could do a dance for your fanny!” I was so relieved, I’d birthed our baby and I didn’t have another OASI which was one of my biggest fears. I was over the moon. The midwives repaired the tear with a local and good old gass and air. Becca then made me the best tea and toast I’ve ever eaten in my life, with our little boy resting on my chest having that glorious golden hour of uninterrupted skin to skin.

I remember distinctly giving baby boy to my husband for him to have some skin to skin whilst I shuffled to the bathroom to try and do “the wee” that basically means all’s well and you can go home. I looked in the mirror and there I was, just like with Dora. It’s me but a version of me I’ve I’ve not met before, tired, sweaty and bloody. I’ve never been more proud of my body. All those years of trying for baby number two, the upset and disappointment to get to this incredible moment. It’s a feeling I’ll never forget for as long as I live. Little Bernie you’re so loved.